


A Place Where People Really Care

by annalikestotalk



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annalikestotalk/pseuds/annalikestotalk
Summary: He can’t stop thinking about Todd. Everything that comes into his head somehow leads to Todd. Every day in the agency, Todd is there, so close to him. Every case they have, Dirk gets distracted by the way Todd stares at him, expectant, waiting for him to work his miracles, to do something fantastic. Dirk is terrified of the day he comes up short.He has nightmares about Todd’s imagined disappointment. He wants to impress him. He wants to be the man Todd seems to think he is, the one who is always fantastic, always incredible, and always capable of saving the day. Dirk Gently wants so badly to be someone worthy of Todd Brotzman.He’s afraid that he never will be.





	

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency was an odd place to be after everyone else had gone home. It was, Dirk observed, a very different place without the brightness of other people to fill it.

Not that there’s a whole lot of space to fill, not really. The building they’d finally settled on was somewhat less grand than Dirk had envisioned, less impressive than he had imagined it would be. It’s clean, sure, and it has working electricity and even hot water, so it certainly isn’t the worst place Dirk has ever been forced to inhabit. It’s just… small. And a little bit plain. And he never did get that brass plaque, either.

It never got cramped when they were all there, but they did find themselves in each other’s space a lot more than intended. They were, after all, three fully grown people inhabiting a space big enough for two desks and one couch, and very little standing room. And that’s not to mention Amanda’s frequent but random and unannounced visits, which were inevitably seven people, some of whom were not the best of friends, squashed into a space that was not built to accommodate such a large quantity of people. It seemed that no matter where you turned there was someone there, working a case or filling out paperwork or, more commonly, eating takeout and trying to convince Farah, the only person to consistently get anything done, to leave the actual work for another day.

During the day, it’s bright and loud and usually very warm, but right now, Dirk feels like he’s surrounded by a darkness that never ends.

Dirk has never really liked darkness, but there’s a sliver of light tumbling in through the window from the streetlights below that promises the world around him still exists. It falls just onto the couch where he’s lying, softly illuminating his hands and he stares at them, trying not to think. Thinking has been confusing lately. Instead he studies his palms, his fingers, the backs of his hands. He wonders at how even the most familiar things look foreign in the darkness.

He stares at them and ponders. Yes, everything looks different in the low light. His hands are elongated and obscure, his yellow jacket dull and grey, the office large and empty. He wonders if the others would share his observations, wonders what they would look like in this darkness, wonders if the striking blue of Todd’s eyes would fall prey to the same sickly greyscale overcoming his jacket…

He pauses to physically shake his head. Enough. The last thing he needs right now is to be thinking about Todd.

And therein lays the problem. He can’t _stop_ thinking about Todd. Everything that comes into his head somehow leads to Todd. Every day in the agency, Todd is there, so close to him. Every case they have, Dirk gets distracted by the way Todd stares at him, expectant, waiting for him to work his miracles, to do something fantastic. Dirk is terrified of the day he comes up short. He has nightmares about Todd’s imagined disappointment. He wants to impress him. He wants to be the man Todd seems to think he is, the one who is always fantastic, always incredible, and always capable of saving the day. Dirk Gently wants so badly to be someone worthy of Todd Brotzman.

He’s afraid that he never will be.

Dirk knows he should get up, knows he should turn the locks and head home, back to his apartment, back to Todd just upstairs, back to his bed and rest, but the thought of being so close to him is more than he can bear right now. He’s never had this before, isn’t quite sure how to deal with it, so until he figures it out, he’s just going to follow his gut. It’s rarely steered him wrong before. At least, not in the long term. And right now, the thought of going back to his apartment, his building, where he will be mere feet below Todd is making his gut twist like it’s trying to tie itself in knots. Dirk decides to stay where he is, and it’s not as relieving as he hoped it would be.

Still, he shifts a little, gets comfortable, and lets his eyes slip shut.

-

“Dirk? Come on, buddy. That can’t be comfortable.”

Dirk slowly blinks awake. Is that… is Todd in his apartment? Why is Todd in his apartment? And since when did his apartment have desks in its living room?

He twists over from his position on his front and groans as his back twinges and an ache starts to make itself know. He hears Todd chuckling at him, and Dirk looks over to where he’s perched himself on the edge of one of the desks, next to a white paper bag and three cardboard coffee cups.

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you sleep on a cheap, crappy couch instead of your bed. I’ve been there.” Dirk would like to glare at Todd for laughing at his pain, but he’s just taken the lid off of one of the cups, and although he doesn’t drink it much, the smell of coffee mixed with whatever baked goods are in the bag means all he can do is look hopefully at Todd.

“Yeah, okay.” Laughs Todd, handing over one of the other cups from beside him. “Earl Grey, two sugars and milk. There’s some danishes in the bag, too. Help yourself, but leave at least one for Farah. You know how she gets when you finish them.”

Dirk takes a deep and grateful sip of tea. There’s still a slightly fuzzy feeling in his mouth afterwards, and he pushes himself off of the sofa with a groan and heads for the bathroom just down the hall. They’ve spent some late nights here before, although Dirk’s never actually slept here for more than an hour or so. Still, the others crash sometimes, so they keep a bottle of mouthwash around, and Dirk is incredibly grateful to Farah for insisting on it. It’s not perfect, but his mouth feels cleaner afterwards, and he heads back to the office with plans to immediately ruin it with tea and danishes.

Todd is still there, now sitting fully on top of the desk and looking rather more awake than Dirk feels. Which is odd really, because Dirk’s usually very awake as soon as his eyes are open, but today his head still feels fuzzy and he can’t quite focus properly on anything other than sitting down and drinking his tea.

“Hey man, you okay?” And, oh, Todd sounds worried. He’s staring at him, Dirk realises, blue eyes bright and intense, and really, it’s too early for this.

“’M fine.” He murmurs, which doesn’t seem to help him much. Todd’s frowning pretty deeply now, and leaning forward from the desk to lay a hand on Dirk’s shoulder. It really is a small office.

“You sure? You seem kinda… spacey.” Dirk musters up his best smile, which today is somewhat lacklustre. This is partly because of the fog in his brain and partly because his entire focus has narrowed to the heat of Todd’s hand through the arm of his shirt.

“I’m fine, Todd.” He clearly doesn’t believe him, so Dirk raises his own hand, the one not holding his tea, and places it on Todd’s wrist. Todd’s eyes snap to that point of contact. Dirk’s palm burns. “I’m just tired.”

Todd’s tongue slides along his lips in a motion Dirk might call nervous, if there were a reason for it to be so. Or if he could think, past wondering how a spike of heat in his core could possibly make him shiver. What interesting things Todd does to him. How confusing they are.

Todd stands and takes the half-step necessary to sit down next to Dirk on the sofa, keeping his hand glued to his shoulder. He’s close, really close, actually, he’s leaning into him, and even Dirk knows this is where someone else might complain about personal space. Dirk wonders what would happen if he leaned in closer. He has a few theories, but he’s a detective. Theories are useless if they don’t lead to answers.

He leans in.

Todd licks his lips again.

Todd’s definitely not looking at his eyes anymore, and Dirk follows his lead, gaze drifting down to Todd’s lips. He can see them moving but his brain isn’t hearing the words, just the gentle lilt of his voice, tinged by worry and something he can’t identify. He knows it’s probably been too long because Todd’s lips have stopped moving and he can just about see his eyebrows creasing even further. He hears his name spoken, but he lifts a finger and presses it against those lips.

“Shh.” He whispers, and Todd doesn’t say anything. He’s frozen under Dirk’s touch, and Dirk trails his fingers across those lips, taking in the chapped, uneven, somehow still impossibly soft surface. He can feel Todd’s breathing against his fingertips, soft, quick gasps that feel warm against his skin.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, there’s a voice shouting at him, asking what he thinks he’s doing, asking how the hell he thinks they can come back from this. Todd is your friend, it tells him. Todd doesn’t want anything else. Todd doesn’t feel like that. Todd Brotzman could never fall for someone like you.

Any other day, Dirk would listen. But right now, he’s tired, and Todd is right there, and the fog in his brain is muffling that voice enough to ignore it.

“Dirk? What are you…” Whispers Todd against his fingertips, but the words trail off as he moves his hand up to cup his cheek. Distantly, he remembers the tea in his other hand, and he leans back to place is on the floor before raising his other hand to Todd’s face as well.

Todd closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. Dirk can feel the air against his own face, his own lips. He wonders, slightly… he could… but what if…

Dirk pushes his doubts to the back of his head to join the others, and closes the gap between them.

He lets out a little gasp as their lips meet, soft skin against soft skin, and Todd’s hand slides down to his back, his other coming up to rest on his hip. They’re turned awkwardly into each other, and Dirk isn’t exactly an experienced kisser, but… it’s nice. It’s soft, almost tentative, and there’s a sense of familiarity to it. It’s the first time they’ve kissed, but it’s natural and easy and it feels… it feels sort of like coming home.

Dirk is aware of how cheesy that is, really he is, but it does. And he supposes it makes sense. He’s always been a drifter. Since he was a child, since Blackwing, he’s never stayed too long in any one place. And the places he has stayed have never felt like home. In all his time, all his years of living, he’s never found anyone who stayed, and he’s never had a reason to stay anywhere because of it. But now he has the agency, and Farah, and sometimes Amanda, and a whole life based here.

And Todd. He has Todd, too.

Because Todd was the first person to stay. The others are great and he loves them (except the rowdy three. There’s no love lost there) but Todd was the first. He still remembers that first meeting – or, he supposes, the meeting before the first meeting, which could only ever make sense in the life he lives. He remembers how excited the him that wasn’t him was, how proud he was to introduce his Best Friend. He remembers the hope that rose in him, the wanting that bordered on desperation. Because that’s all he’s ever wanted, really. A friend. Someone close. Someone who wants to stay.

And Todd stayed. Todd let him stay.

So it makes sense that Todd feels like home. It makes sense that kissing him feels natural, that the way their lips move together feels like an obvious eventuality, that the first slide of tongue against tongue feels like an inevitability.

And then Todd pulls back, and it’s not that reality kicks in, exactly, but that the fog from Dirk’s brain has cleared and he’s suddenly looking at the situation with clear, unclouded eyes.

“Oh. Oh!  I’m sorry.” He scoots back from Todd, who’s eyebrows are doing something like they can’t decide how to react to that. “I – that was. I’m so sorry, Todd.”

“Hold on.” Todd holds out his hand like he’s going to touch him, then seems to think better of it and drops both into his lap, twisting them together. “Just… what’s going on, Dirk?”

Dirk isn’t quite sure how to respond to that question, if he’s being honest. He feels like he’s just woken from a dream and isn’t quite sure how to interact with the world yet.

“I, um. I. I don’t-“ He trips and stammers over his words and gives up. He looks at Todd imploringly. Surely he knows what to do here. Todd always knows what to do when Dirk is stumped.

“Okay. Um.” Todd takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “So, I guess. You kissed me? Right?”

Oh no. Todd is just as lost as Dirk is.

“I... yes. I kissed you.” Dirk has a desperate urge to walk away from this room and find a blanket to hide under, but finds he can’t actually move under the weight of Todd’s gaze. “I… I definitely did that. Look, Todd-“

Todd holds a hand up like he can sense Dirk getting wound up.

“Let’s just – let’s just take this one thing at a time, okay?” Dirk nods. “Okay. So. You kissed me. Um. Was it – good?”

Todd’s cheeks have gone pink, and Dirk can feel his own following suit as he thinks about the kiss.

“It.” He clears his throat. “Yes. It was – good. I liked it.”

There’s a small smile beginning to spread on Todd’s face and Dirk feels it reflected on his own.

“Okay. That’s… that’s good. Do you… want to do it again?”

Dirk’s eyes return to Todd’s lips, and he feels himself nod.

“Do you want… more than that?”

Dirk’s eyes go wide and shoot back up to Todd’s, whose cheeks go bright, startling red. It’s not a bad look on him.

“Not like… not like that! I mean, well. Not like, right now. Oh god.” He puts his head in his hands and laughs pitifully. “This is ridiculous. I’m a grown man.”

“And what am I?” Dirk frowns. “A kitten in a shark’s body?”

Todd drops his hands and shakes his head.

“No, I just meant… This shouldn’t be so hard. I know what I want to say, I just…” Dirk knows what he means. Getting the words out is impossibly hard for him, too.

“Maybe you should shut your eyes?” He suggests, and Todd shoots him a half-hearted glare. “Maybe _I_ should shut _my_ eyes?”

Todd appears just as unsatisfied with this solution as the first, and he’s beginning to think they may never be able to say what they mean. Dirk is slightly worried by that – he doesn’t want to be stuck in this conversation forever. There are better things they could be doing, like solving cases, or kissing.

“Todd-“ He starts, just as Todd starts –

“Dirk-“ Their eyes meet sheepishly, and there’s an awkward chuckle, then a pause. Todd raises his eyebrow and Dirk chickens out. He nods at Todd to continue, and Todd smiles like he knows what Dirk’s doing.

“Okay. Dirk. I… I think… Okay. I like you. As, as more than a friend. And, if you like me too, I’d like… I’d like to date you.” Todd’s face has become steadily more red but he hasn’t broken eye contact. He’s gazing a little unsurely at Dirk, but it’s not exactly a hard choice for him.

“Okay.” He says, and gets raised eyebrows in response.

“Okay? You made me say all that, and your response is… okay?”

“Was that not right? What am I supposed to say?” He’s genuinely curious. He’s not exactly used to this kind of situation, and he’d like to know what the appropriate response should have been. Todd just looks at him, disbelieving, before huffing out a laugh.

“You know what Dirk? Okay is fine.” Todd scoots a little closer and raises his hands to Dirk’s face, brushing gentle thumbs over his cheeks. His mouth is still quirked in amusement. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes please.” Todd laughs at him again, and Dirk doesn’t know if it’s the phrasing or the enthusiasm, but he doesn’t have time to figure it out before Todd’s lips are pressed against his again and he doesn’t have the spare brain to think about it anymore.

Dirk still has no idea what he’s doing, so he lets Todd take the lead. It’s slightly more comfortable than last time, Dirk pressed against the corner of the couch against the arm by Todd’s body. He shifts, and there’s more weight pressed against him. He thinks he makes some kind of noise, but he’s not quite sure and can’t quite bring himself to care. He pulls on Todd a little, dragging more of his body on top of him until he’s all but straddling him, and he’s definitely making sounds, they both are, and it’s good, it’s so good, it’s better than Dirk could ever have imagined. It’s perfect, but Dirk still wants more, more, more-

The door opens, Farah walks in, and Todd nearly brains himself on a desk as he falls off of Dirk’s lap.

Farah takes a look around the office, takes in Todd panting on the floor, Dirk panting on the couch, and their shared state of disarray. Her eyes close and she scrubs a hand across her face, before grabbing the last coffee cup and the untouched bag of pastries before walking back over to the door she just entered through.

“I’m taking the day off. Just… Please don’t fuck in the office.” And with that, and a heavy sigh, she’s gone. Dirk looks down at Todd on the floor. Todd looks up at Dirk on the couch.

They both start laughing.

It’s a strange thing, Dirk thinks, how completely a single other person can fill a room, as long as they’re the right person. Dirk isn’t alone here, in this bright and wonderful place, with this bright and wonderful person. Dirk isn’t alone anymore, because Todd is here.

Todd is staying, and Dirk is allowed to stay.

He thinks the world may never be dark again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into the Dirk Gently fandom! I watched the show about four days ago and haven't been able to think about anything else since. I'm not quite used to the characters, and I think pretty much all of the dialogue is OOC, but I enjoyed writing this anyway.
> 
> If you have any comments or criticisms, I'd love to hear them!
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr: annalikestotalk


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